Come a little closer
And let me taste your soul.
Let me lick along the lines of
Your intellect and taste what nourishment it yields.
Allow me to caress your pride
Until it stands at attention.
Give me permission to massage your mind
And if only for a moment
Mold it to fit me perfectly.
Grant me passage to knead your tenderness
So that it merges well with my own.
Say it's okay that I gently kiss your grace
So that it never wants to leave.
Say I can nibble on your imagination
And make it sing a happy tune.
Come closer.
Let me experience you.
JUSTICE
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
The Ugly Truth
I feel really fat and ugly. Actually, I have for quite some time. To anyone who says I'm not justified, tell me that after I walk through a mall I used to turn heads in just a few years ago without getting so much as a "How are you" from the opposite sex. Tell me that after I leave a party and no one tries to get my number. Say that when I see a cute dress but I can't buy it because it's short and my thighs will ruin it. I do have skinny friends who tell me I'm beautiful but I think they say it because they think I will kill myself if I don't hear it and they don't want a poor fat girl's death on their hands. While it is flattering to hear, they aren't men and they don't have to date me. And then it makes them look like assholes when we go places and no one talks to me but they brag to me about all of the men who come at them. I love them but I want to choke those skinny bitches when they do that.
Have you ever noticed that people say the dumbest things when they are supposed to be making you feel good about yourself? They say things like "You're a beautiful person" and then they tell you how smart you are. That is all good but I don't know one man who says, "She weighs more than a baby elephant but she really does look smart". I also never hear them say, "Her face is a disaster but she has a good heart. I think I'll marry her". Men, like women are visual. They may admire these things about you later, but you have to have something that hooks you. You can say all you want that looks don't matter. But no one wants to wake up lying next to a nightmare every morning. No one wants to sound shallow but at the same time, you want to be with someone you find attractive and leave the leftovers to themselves.
I really don't know what my hook used to be nor where I lost it. But I do know that I'm kinda tired of waiting on this fence post, staring down the road, just hoping to catch a glimpse of it as it makes its way back.
JUSTICE
Have you ever noticed that people say the dumbest things when they are supposed to be making you feel good about yourself? They say things like "You're a beautiful person" and then they tell you how smart you are. That is all good but I don't know one man who says, "She weighs more than a baby elephant but she really does look smart". I also never hear them say, "Her face is a disaster but she has a good heart. I think I'll marry her". Men, like women are visual. They may admire these things about you later, but you have to have something that hooks you. You can say all you want that looks don't matter. But no one wants to wake up lying next to a nightmare every morning. No one wants to sound shallow but at the same time, you want to be with someone you find attractive and leave the leftovers to themselves.
I really don't know what my hook used to be nor where I lost it. But I do know that I'm kinda tired of waiting on this fence post, staring down the road, just hoping to catch a glimpse of it as it makes its way back.
JUSTICE
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Today I Was Black and Proud
So I had to go to city hall for something this morning. They have done a few renovations and everything isn't where it used to be. I knew that I was looking for a certain place but I can imagine I looked really lost trying to find it. I heard a voice from behind me say "What are you looking for, Sister?" I turned around to see a beautiful Black woman with dreadlocks and smiling eyes. She was about 5'3'' but she stood tall and proud. She wore a business suit but a handkerchief of kente cloth peeked out of its pocket. I told her what I needed and she placed a hand on my shoulder and led me to the office, newly positioned at the end of the hallway. Then she said, "And I want you to have a wonderful day, My Sister". Now none of her words were foreign to me, but what struck me was the way she said them. When she said "Sister" and "My Sister", I felt as though the next thing out of my mouth should have been, "So I'll see you at the house for Christmas, right?" She said it as though the connection between her and I was one that she didn't even have to question. And the fact that she took it upon herself to offer a hand and veered off of her own path to come help me was remarkable. Though I didn't gawk at her, there was something about this aging Black woman with light brown skin, a kente handkerchief, dreadlocks with graying roots, smile lines and a face free of makeup that made me feel beautiful. It was something small, but I feel like I truly met family today.
How about you? When was the last time you felt Black and Proud?
How about you? When was the last time you felt Black and Proud?
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Allah at Ground Zero
So, people are pissed that President Obama is okay with Muslims wanting to build a mosque near Ground Zero. It completely disgusted me when I heard it. But like I always do when something disgusts me, I had a conversation with myself. I asked myself whether or not these bandwagon patriots would be so pissed if Muslims wanted a mosque in any other location. And the answer I came up with was a resounding "YES". It's very rare that people do this with situations of this nature, but let's discuss what their anger is really about. They are not upset that there is a desire to build a place of worship near where such a great American tragedy occurred. They are upset because there is a desire to build a place of worship WHICH IS NOT LIKE THEIR OWN near where such a great American tragedy occurred. It all goes back to Americans fearing and what they don't understand. Never mind the Christian churches down the road from Ground Zero who may or may not be teaching the love of God and righteousness. As long as they never utter the words "Praise be to Allah", they get a free pass.
I had a talk with a random stranger the other day in the mall. I was telling one of the sales reps at a store I regularly buy t-shirts from that I needed to get ahold of another old school Malcolm X tee. The old woman was standing next to me and volunteered her opinion on how she thought Malcolm was way too violent to ever be thought of as a hero. She said Martin Luther King, Jr. was a real hero because he was a man of God and that was the type of hero young people should look up to. I proceeded to point out to her that just as Dr. King was devoted to his religion, so was Malcolm. I also told her that if she was to read the Koran and the Bible, she would find that their teachings are parallel. I said "Martin said God. Malcolm said Allah. Either way, they were both trying to reach divinity and no man on this earth should condemn the next man for doing so in his own way". This just goes to show that people don't chastise others for looking for God. They chastise people for looking for God through their own lenses. There has been enough hate in America already. Like President Obama, I say let them build their mosque. I wish it many blessings. This country was weakened by terrorists who just SO HAPPENED to be Muslim. I guarantee that if Allah was truly in their heads and hearts that day, we would all be singing a different tune.
-Justice
I had a talk with a random stranger the other day in the mall. I was telling one of the sales reps at a store I regularly buy t-shirts from that I needed to get ahold of another old school Malcolm X tee. The old woman was standing next to me and volunteered her opinion on how she thought Malcolm was way too violent to ever be thought of as a hero. She said Martin Luther King, Jr. was a real hero because he was a man of God and that was the type of hero young people should look up to. I proceeded to point out to her that just as Dr. King was devoted to his religion, so was Malcolm. I also told her that if she was to read the Koran and the Bible, she would find that their teachings are parallel. I said "Martin said God. Malcolm said Allah. Either way, they were both trying to reach divinity and no man on this earth should condemn the next man for doing so in his own way". This just goes to show that people don't chastise others for looking for God. They chastise people for looking for God through their own lenses. There has been enough hate in America already. Like President Obama, I say let them build their mosque. I wish it many blessings. This country was weakened by terrorists who just SO HAPPENED to be Muslim. I guarantee that if Allah was truly in their heads and hearts that day, we would all be singing a different tune.
-Justice
Friday, July 2, 2010
Pardon Me
Pardon me, Friend.
But you and I have known each other forever,
A helluva lot longer than you two have been together.
Why is it a crime after hours of hearing his name
Do you think I would want four more of the same?
It's funny that I'm a hater when you have a man
But when I wanted to talk about mine
You don't understand.
Five months ago when you were all alone
I couldn't pay your lame ass to pick up the phone.
You would sulk. You would moan.
You would make fun of me.
But now the only thing hilarious
Is your hypocrisy.
It's my choice and not me being rude or shife
That I don't want to hear anymore of your so-called
Perfect life.
Just like you did the rest when you had had enough
You'll just find some way to screw this up.
So call me in three months and we will see.
But until then, pardon the fuck outta me.
TK
But you and I have known each other forever,
A helluva lot longer than you two have been together.
Why is it a crime after hours of hearing his name
Do you think I would want four more of the same?
It's funny that I'm a hater when you have a man
But when I wanted to talk about mine
You don't understand.
Five months ago when you were all alone
I couldn't pay your lame ass to pick up the phone.
You would sulk. You would moan.
You would make fun of me.
But now the only thing hilarious
Is your hypocrisy.
It's my choice and not me being rude or shife
That I don't want to hear anymore of your so-called
Perfect life.
Just like you did the rest when you had had enough
You'll just find some way to screw this up.
So call me in three months and we will see.
But until then, pardon the fuck outta me.
TK
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Kaizen
Now when I got this word tattooed on me a few years back, I know now that I only knew it superficially. "Incremental improvement" seems pretty simple. But it's a series of rabbit holes, Alice. And you always want to be sure to fall down the right ones. It's odd that I type this blog as I sit in the nail shop because it is not at all about physical improvement. The hardest thing to admit, I think, is the fact that you're pretty messed up inside. But it's even harder to get to the business of cleaning up.
I mentioned in my previous blog that I got a new job. I might have also mentioned that the joy over the job does not entirely come from the fact that I am being paid more but from the fact that I get to go to a rewarding job and be human while I do it. I leave each day feeling like I have helped someone. The new job is the end result but I'm not sure I ever told you the most important things that led to it. Being a person who shoots straight from the hip, you can only imagine the honesty of the people I surround myself with. So many of the people I love told me that at my old job, there were pieces of the TK they loved that just weren't there anymore. The suggestion box filled up in those conversations but the talk that sent it brimming was one with my mother. After a particularly trying day, I visited her and she looked at me and said, "You just don't have a spirit anymore. It's like it's all gone". I was done and I knew I had to do better. So I did.
I'm not sure how many people reading either know or care. But I just recently sealed the lid on what was a constant struggle for the man I loved and still love more than any man I have ever been with. Because he is private to the utmost, he would be angry if he read this post. But it's mine, so I'm not really all that concerned. But as much as I love him, I am smart enough to know that if you love and someone and they profess theirs in return A) there should be no problem with the world knowing and B) neither of them should be made to feel like they have to compete for love from the other. After five years of that, I decided I had to love myself more. Now he is still one of the greatest people on earth and one of my very best friends. There were no false pretenses and that might be one thing that made me love him. But the dynamics weren't working in the end. And a part of my incremental improvement was being strong enough to let go. I really don't know that I will ever love or be loved again (or to refer to a previous blog, "put on a new pair of shoes") but I am thankful for the learning experience.
I am also going to have to forgive the ones who have hurt me. That's a jagged little pill for me because we're talking mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally, financially, consciously and subconsciously. And being frank and there being lack of better words for it, I have dealt with some pretty messed us shit. It is going to be difficult to do but I have to keep the wisdom and weed the deeds, so to speak. I don't plan to completely rid myself of all defense mechanisms because I honestly think that's what messed me up in the first place. But I suppose I should use them in moderation.
There is so much to do. If I am ever to be loved again, I have some wounds to nurse. If my magazine, the driving force, is ever going to manifest itself, I have some corners to sweep in my mind. And if I am to love others as I should, I need to deep clean this old heart of mine. I know this isn't going to be easy and it won't happen quickly. But the reason I got it etched into my skin in the first place was because I was sure it was a commitment I would be fulfilling for the rest of my life. Thank you God for the courage to get started.
JUSTICE
I mentioned in my previous blog that I got a new job. I might have also mentioned that the joy over the job does not entirely come from the fact that I am being paid more but from the fact that I get to go to a rewarding job and be human while I do it. I leave each day feeling like I have helped someone. The new job is the end result but I'm not sure I ever told you the most important things that led to it. Being a person who shoots straight from the hip, you can only imagine the honesty of the people I surround myself with. So many of the people I love told me that at my old job, there were pieces of the TK they loved that just weren't there anymore. The suggestion box filled up in those conversations but the talk that sent it brimming was one with my mother. After a particularly trying day, I visited her and she looked at me and said, "You just don't have a spirit anymore. It's like it's all gone". I was done and I knew I had to do better. So I did.
I'm not sure how many people reading either know or care. But I just recently sealed the lid on what was a constant struggle for the man I loved and still love more than any man I have ever been with. Because he is private to the utmost, he would be angry if he read this post. But it's mine, so I'm not really all that concerned. But as much as I love him, I am smart enough to know that if you love and someone and they profess theirs in return A) there should be no problem with the world knowing and B) neither of them should be made to feel like they have to compete for love from the other. After five years of that, I decided I had to love myself more. Now he is still one of the greatest people on earth and one of my very best friends. There were no false pretenses and that might be one thing that made me love him. But the dynamics weren't working in the end. And a part of my incremental improvement was being strong enough to let go. I really don't know that I will ever love or be loved again (or to refer to a previous blog, "put on a new pair of shoes") but I am thankful for the learning experience.
I am also going to have to forgive the ones who have hurt me. That's a jagged little pill for me because we're talking mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally, financially, consciously and subconsciously. And being frank and there being lack of better words for it, I have dealt with some pretty messed us shit. It is going to be difficult to do but I have to keep the wisdom and weed the deeds, so to speak. I don't plan to completely rid myself of all defense mechanisms because I honestly think that's what messed me up in the first place. But I suppose I should use them in moderation.
There is so much to do. If I am ever to be loved again, I have some wounds to nurse. If my magazine, the driving force, is ever going to manifest itself, I have some corners to sweep in my mind. And if I am to love others as I should, I need to deep clean this old heart of mine. I know this isn't going to be easy and it won't happen quickly. But the reason I got it etched into my skin in the first place was because I was sure it was a commitment I would be fulfilling for the rest of my life. Thank you God for the courage to get started.
JUSTICE
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Be The Blessing
Most of us pray to God and ask Him to give them things. But you have to ask yourself each day "Have I been the blessing I want to see?" I am never one to preach on things but I do have to say this. Anyone who knows me knows that I just left a job at an OUTSTANDING company but my division was rotting from the inside out. There was too much interoffice drama for things to function properly and I got tired of wondering whether or not I would be brought up on some disciplinary action because of who I befriended or the fact that I didn't "open myself up enough". So, I like so many others in this economy, started praying hard and searching for other options. I had several job interviews and I would be lying if I said I didn't get a little discouraged not to get callbacks on some. I had to say, "Okay Lord. I know it's time to back up and change my approach. I have been going for the big names because simply working at those companies would make me distinguished. Maybe I need to reel it in and look a little smaller". It's funny but it was one of the very people I had been reprimanded for befriending who led me to my answer. Not only did I find a new job quickly, but I found a job that allows me to bless others. Yes, my building is smaller and there are no high, glass windows and there aren't billions in assets under management. But we are in the business of helping people find work in these hellish economic conditions. I now get to look into the eyes of that person who has been laid off and say "I found something for you and you get to take home a paycheck next week". Not only that, I also get the pleasure of saying "You aren't a temp anymore. You are now a full fledged employee." I am in a place where I not only have a title but I know the person down the hall, even though he is my manager, respects me and values me as a vital part of the organization. I figured out where I went wrong. It was in asking God to give me a new great job instead of asking him to put me in a place where I could be a blessing to others at the same time as allowing Him to bless me. I have breathed and rested easier in the last few weeks than I have in the last couple of years. My job is fast-paced and there is much to learn to do it effectively but my heart and mind are now at peace with what I do. I have always been a person who liked helping others and I thank God for placing me where I can do that. I also thank Him for placing me amongst good people who truly care about others. My mind has been calm enough to write and focus a little more on my magazine (which I plan to use as a medium to get those who need to be known known)and I get off an hour earlier than I used to (never saw a point at my old job because I was mentally exhausted afterward anyway). So I say to anyone who just so happens to read this, please be the blessing you want to see. Hallelujah and it is so.
JUSTICE
JUSTICE
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